Sunday, March 21, 2010

Contracted Time

I've been away for a bit seeing family and attending workshops which I'll hopefully write about soon. I'm continuing on my quest to absorb as much environmental knowledge as I can and motivate myself to get out there and live it. This week though I want to explore something else that's been on my mind, purge my thoughts as I often do here at KAP. A few days ago, quite suddenly and unexpected, I lost my beloved sweet boy C C. He went into intestinal distress and after trying for hours to save him we had to make that most dreaded decision to put him down. Last Sunday morning started off promising to be a beautiful day with the boys happily eating their breakfast, after which I turned them out to pasture. By mid afternoon the nightmare began and ended just as the sun was about to rise on Monday with my husband and I pulling out of the parking lot of the NC State animal hospital with an empty trailer and heavy hearts. This began my pondering of if I'd known would I have done anything different? It was a long miserable winter but would I have braved the elements and spent more time with my guys if I'd known he wouldn't be with me come spring? We all think from time to time how would we act if we knew how much time we had here and have been momentarily moved by the many songs on the subject such as Tim McGraw's "Live like you were dying". My question though is how would you act toward another if you knew you had a set contracted time to be together. If the day you met you filled out and signed a contract stating a start and end date for the relationship. Would we speak kinder, look one another in the eyes more, have more patience and let those pet peeves fall by the wayside. Would we snap less and bite our tongue from correcting them over trivial things they may say or do. Would we be more attentive and less distracted when we were with them. The list goes on and on and as I mull it all over the next question I have is are we even capable of maintaining that sort of intensity in all our relationships even if we knew it was not to last forever?
Unfortunately I had not done a post for C C yet on either blog so I've put one up for him now over at Sweet T Farm if you would like to see more pictures and learn a little about him.
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4 comments:

  1. jtrueSunday, March 21, 2010

    Maria, I am so sorry for your loss. I think these things always motivate us in a forward direction. What i mean is, my relationship with my animals now is based off the relationships I have had in the past too. I try and make every relationship as meaningful as possible (to both me and them). But the more we suffer a loss, the more we learn to cherish not just what we have, but what we may have in the future. Those memories of C C are now biologically imprinted. As you live, so do they. I'm not saying this in an attempt to ease your pain. I know nothing can. This comment is just my tiny attempt at a candle for you and C C. with light, j

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  2. CharSunday, March 21, 2010

    i'm so sorry for your loss and i went through some of the same questions almost 3 years ago. all the things that irritate us, all the things that we think are important - change with the perspective once you experience the death of someone (even a beloved pet) close to you.

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  3. DeejbrownFriday, April 09, 2010

    I am sorry for my delayed response in offering you understanding sympathy for the unexpected loss of CC. There are no boundaries to grief, I'm afraid, but I hope you are finding some light at the end of the dark tunnel of sorrow.

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  4. C-ingspotsWednesday, April 14, 2010

    Oh Maria, I'm so very sorry about CC. Such heartache when we lose our beautiful, beloved animals. Please know that my heart goes out to you in sincere sympathy for your loss. He certainly was a beautiful horse, and I'm certain he'll be missed. Sometimes when these things happen, the kindest thing we can do for them, is to know when to let them go. I have been in that situation 4 times now with horses that I have loved. Each decision was heartwrenching. It never gets easier. But know in your heart that they don't look at life the way we do. They don't make plans. They just live in the here and the now. Sometimes I think we could learn a whole lot by living our lives a little more like they do...but I guess you're already thinking along those lines. I would like to think that we could change, but I'm just not sure. ((hugs))

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