Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Stuck in Neutral

Maybe it's the winter getting to me, but I have so many questions and thoughts rattling around in my head and bumping into one another. I'm stuck in neutral and no matter how much I try to move forward I go nowhere, everything just circles around and back again. I've wandered off my mindfulness path and need to sort this out in order to return. One question is why am I here, not in this time and place, but just why am I here in the world of web logs. I look back through my post and they appear to have been written by several different people. There is no theme or consistent writing style and it seems to have lost it's original purpose. What am I trying to accomplish, do I know, does it matter? I can see why I relate so well to the Mockingbird as I wonder if there is one true voice hidden there somewhere within these post. I think I'm coming to realize and accept they are all me and that it's alright to be so. Maybe I have been searching for a truth that has been right in front of me, waiting to be acknowledged. So here we go with yet another voice, the introspective analyst who drives me crazy. I may question why I am here now, but I do know where it began, in a similar state of mind with too many thoughts, ideas and goals rattling around in my head and my husband (probably going insane from being my sounding board) saying, "write it down". So excuse the personal stroll inside my mind, but I think I'll try that again and write it down over the next few post. Maybe then I can get out of neutral and be on my way once again.

On another note, I have been ask about my animal family and also met a new horse blogger today, so bear with me and I'll break up the internal journey post by interspersing post introducing each one.


  1. First, thank you for your kind post yesterday Maria. It is nice to meet you too!:)

    Now, on to your post. You wrote that you need to sort all of these questions and streams of thought in order to return to mindfulness. I kind of always thought that mindfulness was being able to drop right into the present moment, and maybe it is ok if the moment involves some questioning and confusion....

    I am no expert on the matter though:)

    In response to another part of your post today, I think it's the form of your posts that may change from day to day, but the voice you write with is the same. That is the constant.

  2. I'm not an expert either, it's something I'm striving to make part of my daily life and promote especially in education. I'm learning each day. You are right in what you say, it's like when I questioned getting lost in the energy of anything old, but that is my present moment, the thing is I experience it then move on, I don't carry the object or photo around & stare at it constantly or get glued to the front porch of an old bldg. These questions, which silly enough are mostly about blogging, keep hanging on keeping me from experiencing the present moment, life that is happening now & I'm not present for it, much like the patient in your post today, I was sinking into my mind, not living in the present world. The great universe that this is, I put the question out there & I received some answers from places that didn't know about the question, so I'm waking up a bit.
    Thanks for the viewpoint on my voice, I really am too analytical & sometimes need to get over myself. I'll will probably continue to zig zag topics but such is my life, so good to know I don't sound like a split personality-ha.

  3. beautiful lines in this shot

  4. Maria, it's nice to meet you.
    I've been scouring through your blog and I not only love your photos, but your insightful thoughts.
    I'm coming back as you have intrigued me!